I had my first root canal Tuesday. Now, I’m no stranger to dental work, but this is something I had spent most of life worried about–especially the last four months.

Recently, I had been told, “A root canal? It’s no big deal. Really.” And “You can do it, Andrea!” And “It was actually blissful and dreamy.” And “Here are some youtube videos you can watch. Root canals get a bad wrap, but they’ve really advanced technologically.” And these friends meant well and I appreciated their efforts toward comfort while I was worrying about the unknown and uncontrollable–a HUGE fear for me.

However, when I was crying in the endodontist’s chair because I could feel her drilling three holes into my tooth because it wasn’t totally numb despite the multiple shots of anesthetic AND when I had to ask my husband to feed me (yes, take the spoon and put it in the soup and bring it to my mouth) because I couldn’t sit up for the lightheadedness/dizziness/nausea from the pain meds, I found little comfort in my friends’ words embedded in my brain.

But I survived! And can check this off of my unknown things to fear list–you know there is one!

Fall in Nashville.

I just took 4 ibuprofen at once for the second time today, as recommended by my dentist. I payed a significant amount of money for a temporary crown to be put on my tooth today. I sat in a chair for 2 hours while the dentist poked, prodded, asked me to bite down, drilled out the previous filling, and applied the temporary crown.

I’ve come to realize lately that it doesn’t matter how smart you think you are, how nonconformist, how determined/motivated, or how prepared/good at planning ahead, you’re still going to have those experiences that make you feel out of control and overwhelmed. Dental stuff is like that for me.

I feel like my body is failing me or I’m angry with myself for not flossing just a few more times or not being able to overcome my addiction to Coke (yes, the real stuff, not just diet)…It’s never convenient. It’s always painful AND expensive. I always feel anxious. And worse of all, I can’t plan for it! But if it reminds me that I’m not as self-sufficient as I think I am, that it is God who provides, I’m even more needy of a Savior than I want to believe. And if all of these things point me back to Jesus, then I guess it’s something to be thankful for.

What do Panera Bread and South Asia have in common? Well, both are places that God has used to grow my relationship with Harry and give us a vision for how He intends to use us. Here we sit at Panera, the same Panera where Harry and I met for a DTR just 3 and a half years ago. We celebrate our 3rd year of marriage this week, but right now we share a table putting together support letters to invite people to join us in this calling God has given us to move to South Asia. And we wait as a potential home buyer tours our home trying not to worry about all of the imperfections and unfinished projects we left behind…so that we can move forward toward South Asia. Who but God could have known that we would be here at this time and remember so many answered prayers as we also look forward to the calling God has placed before us?

We actually survived the first showing of our house, but not without wondering, what did they think?? And now when we leave our house, we leave it prepared to show to a stranger and pray that God will bring the right person to buy this house, which will allow us to continue on in this process. This is a strange season. We are getting rid of stuff, but not everything. And we are looking toward the future, but not so much that we can’t do what needs to be done in the present.

A friend once said, “We can never be there. We’ll always be here.” He was jokingly responding to the age-old “Are we there yet??” question from his daughter when he said them. But as a former English teacher who appreciates the subtleties in words, I keep thinking about his comment.

May God help us to be here, where He has put us and wherever He leads us. So, for now, we are here and here is Nashville in our cute little house that has been such a blessing to us. And we are grateful.

(Prayer updates can be found at the top of the page.)

I have so much in my head right now. It’s hard to know where to begin. I want to write, but it seems like a luxury I can’t indulge right now. But sometimes I can’t NOT indulge it. Writing for me is therapeutic (hard word to spell, by the way!). It’s like baking–a work that takes some effort and some creativity and attention, but in the end there’s something to be proud of (hopefully.)

I recently turned 29 and remembered with a wave all of the goals I had for myself before I reach 30. One year left! Wow. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. One of my goals is to write a novel or some large something that would be published and helpful to more people than just my family and close friends. I think this may still be a possibility. South Asia may even be a part of that. But, it’s ok if I don’t get it done by next September. I can keep living. The goal police aren’t going to cut me off. I’ll just keep moving forward, thanking the Lord for each new day.

Here are somethings I want to write about. Maybe you can check back and hold me accountable…

THE temple.

How God is teaching me that in every circumstance He gives me the opportunity to choose between joy and frustration.

How God is teaching me to be confident in my convictions and allow other people to be confident in theirs–even silently in my mind…you know, the things I don’t ever say out loud, but I’m thinking them, silently judging.

More thoughts on home.

Something about this quote from John Piper that I saw on Twitter: In Christ the best is always yet to come. Always. No exceptions. Forever.

The struggle to communicate about South Asia in a way that honors the differences in our cultures, but also glorifies God and causes people to pray.

The joy that comes from simplifying my life–but not in the trendy, new-age-y, green-for-the-sake-of-being-green kind of way.

How my concept of Church and community is changing.

How the uncertainty of this season and the kind of faith that God is growing in me through the waiting feels more like contentment than anything I’ve ever known.

Yea, so, those are a few things I want to write.