I Know Whom I Have Believed

Daniel W. Whittle (Words, 1883) & James McGranahan (Music)

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

But I know whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

But I know whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how the Spirit moves
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus thro’ the Word
Creating faith in Him.

But I know whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noon-day fair,
Nor if I’ll walk the vale with Him
Or meet Him in the air.

But I know whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

Click here to hear it.

The great lesson plan purge and organization has begun, but I will continue to work on it in the coming weeks! This is a photo of Harry holding all of the half-used notepads that I used for planning when I was teaching. I would start a new one every year and for some reason I kept all of them. I’m sure you can guess what he’s thinking from this look on his face. These will probably end up in a penny bin in the yard sale!

I’m just not good at throwing things away. Remember the chair?  Although, it isn’t furniture or large possessions that cause me the most grief. It’s books and cards and other sentimental pieces of paper. I’m the person that occasionally panics that I won’t be able to find all of my Facebook status updates from the last few years–as if I would ever need them–and worries about the emails that get lost when I change email programs–instead of thanking the good Lord that there’s one less thing I need to spend time thinking about. I like the idea of boxes of unexpected treasures hidden behind every corner, but the reality is that it’s stifling–a cloud hanging over me. And really, would it be better to have pieces of paper to show my children one day, or to spend the time that I would spend looking for that piece of paper building my relationships with them?

We have to throw things away if we’re going to be able to manage packing up our lives for two years with some sense of sanity. Some things are just not meant to last forever. And that’s ok.

Today’s task: Purging. For example…

• a church bulletin from 1994 with my notes on the back.
• a long letter from a friend that I’m not as closely in touch with that happily reminds me of the bond we have and makes me sad that we’ve lost touch at the same time. It reminded me of some fun things that we did our freshman year in college.
• graduation cards from high school AND college
• a newspaper with an article about the death of a man I worked for one summer.
• programs from high school events like awards ceremonies and commencement.
• glamour shots–anyone remember those?
• letters and cards from people who are now with the Lord.
• notes from people I can almost remember.
• my friend Cindy’s schedule for second semester junior year–not sure how I ended up with that!
• a sweet list of memories compiled by my family about my grandmother (Nanny) who died when I was in college. (this one I’m going to save electronically–don’t worry!)
• a score card from Q-zar and a print out of my actual weight and my ideal weight (I won’t tell you how much that’s changed since 1998!)
• a wedding program from my friend Natalie’s wedding.
• an encouraging note from someone thanking me for leading a Bible study in college.
• cards given to my family when my grandmother died.
• postcards that I saved as keepsakes and I can’t figure out what to do with.
• the paper in my handwriting that I used to memorize Marc Antony’s speech: “Friends, romans, countrymen…” (Thanks, Mrs. Heard.)
• 1996 Olympics and Lion King bandaids.
• Canadian stamps and money from a trip with my parents circa 1991.

I’m repeating to myself over and over again–throwing these things away doesn’t mean I’m throwing away the people or the memories. I fleetingly wonder if I will regret The Great Purge, and then I remember the freedom. But, it also also makes me ask the question: What’s the best way to catalog your life so that you remember the important things and people, but don’t hang on too long or too tightly to possessions or even bad memories? I don’t have an answer yet, but I’m trying to live my life in a way that doesn’t lend itself to regret, in a way that cherishes the moments I am given and trusts God.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s task of sorting and organizing (and, of course, some purging) old lesson plans from 4.5 years of teaching…and hear how I battle the evil “But, what if I need this again one day…”

This quote is encouraging to me when I am tempted to get overwhelmed, feel hopeless, or just give up on prayer for our house to sell…or for God to provide financially for us to go to South Asia for two years. George Muller’s faith is so challenging to me. He actively lived on faith in God’s provision for many years, dependent only on God to bring his ministry to people’s minds as worth supporting. He prayed for specific amounts and sometimes for needs that would have to be met that very day without knowing how God would choose to provide. And God always provided. Sometimes, he provided a time of waiting to grow Muller’s faith, but He always provided.

Lord, keep me faithful in prayer and keep me looking for and acknowledging your provision in whatever way it may come. Give me boldness to pray for things that seem impossible if you are leading me to pray.

But now, in an unstable season of learning to be flexible on a level I’ve never known, I think often about her comment and wonder now if it was a more appropriate prayer than I realized at the time.  And I’m thankful for a friend who knows me well enough to know that I do need that prayer and who was bold enough to tell me that she prayed that for me.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and working through boundaries the past few years. And I still think they’re necessary and good, but now I’m wrestling with the practical application of sacrifice within boundaries. I want to spend some time thinking about what one of our pastors, Jamie Mosley, said recently, “As love is cultivated, it increases the willingness to sacrifice.”

When I walked outside of the nail salon alone, carrying my tennis shoes and wearing paper-thin flip-flops…when I felt the wet parking lot ground from the day’s rain and realized that I was basically walking barefoot, I momentarily wondered if I should put my shoes back on. Then, I remembered that I had already walked through dirtier water and survived. So, I shrugged it off and kept on walking.

This week, I had a pedicure. AND a manicure. Harry’s parents gave me some money for Christmas to use to pamper myself. So, I did. And my toes feel really pretty.

My finger nails, on the other hand, did not fare so well–even though I sat under the little light thing for a few minutes and had my keys out before my nails were started so that I didn’t have to dig around in my purse for them.

Alas, within 30 minutes, they were ruined. Some things never change, I guess.