Be stunned and satisfied that we know God and that He knows us. Future Grace, John Piper

How would this transform my life if I allowed it to? I should be stunned that a sovereign God cares about me and provided a sacrifice for me to be in relationship with Him. But how often does that become commonplace?

I should be satisfied that God knows me because He is THE thing that my heart longs for to be complete. He is faithful, purposeful, always there, just, and the only way to salvation.

I remember a friend telling me that she prayed for me to be flexible when I went on a mission trip in 2007. She said that was what had come to her mind most often when she was praying for me. This mission trip was one of the most difficult trips I’ve ever been on. Harry and I had been married less than a year and were still trying to sort out our boundaries with other people and work and learning to be married and not single. (Another post for another day. And, of course, we’re STILL trying to figure all of that out! ) And I remember thinking, how dare she pray for me to be flexible when what I was needing was to be more assertive. And it definitely was a season of learning appropriate assertiveness and growing in confidence and setting healthy boundaries in ministry and with friends and I’m still learning those things and probably always will.

But now, in an unstable season of learning to be flexible on a level I’ve never known, I think often about her comment and wonder now if it was a more appropriate prayer than I realized at the time.  And I’m thankful for a friend who knows me well enough to know that I do need that prayer and who was bold enough to tell me that she prayed that for me.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and working through boundaries the past few years. And I still think they’re necessary and good, but now I’m wrestling with the practical application of sacrifice within boundaries. I want to spend some time thinking about what one of our pastors, Jamie Mosley, said recently, “As love is cultivated, it increases the willingness to sacrifice.”

I am becoming more and more aware of my need for a great faith. My faith is the result of 22 years of being a Christian, but most of all–God’s goodness to keep me in faith. And when I look back at His hand on my life through those years and even before, I am amazed and thankful. Even when I am so prone to wander.

But to go to South Asia, I need a GREAT faith. And not just to go to South Asia, but to BELIEVE and continue believing that God is not only capable of, but will accomplish great things. To believe that God is going to provide what we need financially and that His timing is perfect. To believe that He will provide a way for us to sell our house in an impossible real estate market, to believe that he will make Himself known to South Asians, to believe that He will take care of our parents while we’re away, to believe that He will keep us in Him, to continue to believe that it is He who has led us on this path and it will be He who provides for it.

I’m reading biographies about men and women who lived for decades in cultures that were not their own. People who remain joyful in the midst of hardship, and people who press into God more fully whenever they are tempted to doubt Him. And, these people prayed. I’m inspired to pursue God more deeply and more passionately, to long for and pray for a great faith.

I am also reminded of a friend-of-a-friend. We’ll call her Sara. Sara will pray about ANYTHING. And she is so known for her “ability” in prayer that people will ask her specifically to pray for things…a car that is needed for immigrants who live in poverty, financial provision for business or family that is struggling, the weather, the health of a dying person. People ask her to pray for things that seem impossible. Now, I must admit that I can be somewhat cynical about Sara’s prayers. She doesn’t go to the same kind of church that I do, which means she doesn’t speak quite the same religious jargon that I do. And it feels a little bit non-Protestant to put too much emphasis on someone else’s prayers for me.

But, I’ve realized that they ask her to pray NOT because she has a direct line to God (we ALL have a direct line to God through our redemption in Christ). They ask her to pray because she has a great faith.

Pray believing. God has ordained prayer as a means to accomplish His will. Nothing is impossible for God.

And, of course the desire for a great faith leads me to Hebrews 11. (And please do not hear that I aspire to be included in this list of faithful people here. The canon is closed, people. But I can be encouraged by them to pray for my own weak faith to be strengthened.) I read this again–a somewhat familiar passage–and I am led to pray for great faith. A great faith is not going to come from within me. It’s just not. But it does come from a great God.

I just took 4 ibuprofen at once for the second time today, as recommended by my dentist. I payed a significant amount of money for a temporary crown to be put on my tooth today. I sat in a chair for 2 hours while the dentist poked, prodded, asked me to bite down, drilled out the previous filling, and applied the temporary crown.

I’ve come to realize lately that it doesn’t matter how smart you think you are, how nonconformist, how determined/motivated, or how prepared/good at planning ahead, you’re still going to have those experiences that make you feel out of control and overwhelmed. Dental stuff is like that for me.

I feel like my body is failing me or I’m angry with myself for not flossing just a few more times or not being able to overcome my addiction to Coke (yes, the real stuff, not just diet)…It’s never convenient. It’s always painful AND expensive. I always feel anxious. And worse of all, I can’t plan for it! But if it reminds me that I’m not as self-sufficient as I think I am, that it is God who provides, I’m even more needy of a Savior than I want to believe. And if all of these things point me back to Jesus, then I guess it’s something to be thankful for.

…is a-changin’.

Community was a nebulous thing for me even a few years ago. Something vague to describe the location of my house, or the people at my church, or my work colleagues.

Since then, I’ve experienced a lot of things that have forced me to make that ambiguous definition more personal. More tangible.

Like when Harry and I found ourselves without a working car of our own for about four LONG months. And although we were totally dependent on the kindness and generosity of our friends to get from A to B, we were never without some way to get there. It was humbling for two independent, strong-willed people who prefer to be self-sufficient. But it was probably the first time we started to really understand that word community and how God intended it.

It makes me think of Acts 4:32-35, “Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.”

Or Romans 12:13 “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

Community. God’s way of meeting needs. You can try to deny it or run from it, but sooner or later it’s going to catch up with you and you’re going to need it. I’m learning that it is more beautiful to just need it. To receive it and be a participant in it.

Another example that comes to mind is raising support for a trip that we feel God leading us to take and being blown away by God’s provision through His people–money, prayers, encouragement. Our community. Representing 10 states. And at least that many churches. More than we needed to make the trip happen.

And most recently, tonight. Community in every sense of the word and they were strangers.

Harry and I ran out of gas about 6 miles from home tonight. In the past, this has caused a powerful sense of personal failure to Harry. Before Harry could get the car moved off the road, a woman stopped to see if we needed help. She proceeded to help by “pushing” our Isuzu Trooper with Harry. I don’t know her name, but God used her to teach me more about community. Less than 5 minutes after we stopped, a man stopped on the other side of the street with his landscaping gear and ran across the street carrying a gas can, “You guys need some gas?”

So, we just rolled with it. Amazing. God’s provision through community. I mean, we barely had time to be inconvienced by running out of gas because of the kindness of strangers. I barely had time to say, “Why didn’t we get gas before we left the 12 South area?”

So, community. I’m a fan. I just hope that we are able to be that for those around us at least part of the time.